Dirty Little Secret

 To my fellow mamas, my brave sisters:

   There's something to be said about putting your best foot forward. But I'm starting this blog, however brief or inconsistent it may be, to give a voice to the struggle in me to be a good mama. By good I mean I want to be a cornerstone, a pillar, an unshakable "i don't know how she did it" after I'm gone kind of woman.  Maybe if I can share my challenges and insecurities from the curtain of anonymity that is this blog, then I'll have finally found a proper home for the restless panic that sometimes shows up at my door. Maybe I'll find some others out there who can identify or appreciate the incredible experience of dirty, endless, often thankless service and caregiving with all of it's rewards and costs.

 So let me begin by introducing myself. I have always been the girl next door, a happy twenty-something with plenty of friends and places to be. Only now there's a gorgeous baby boy on my hip. My son came on his own time, out of the blue. Getting pregnant was not a part of the plan. It was not where I was at in life or what I wanted for my career. Even his dad was a believer that it's better when children are born to parents who were trying to conceive. It seems logical that a baby that was invited to come be a part of others lives would have a lot more ready for it's arrival in any avenue be it finances to emotional grounding... But despite previous plans and arguments everything in me said "Yes, dear one. Come to mama." The little one's arrival manifested a solemn commitment to figure this out. I'm taking it one day at a time. Giving it all I've got.

 I'm inspired to blog because I know I'm not the only one. Maybe this can be the start of something refreshingly raw and quietly grounding for others too.  So if you or the next door mom need a place to get free from the messy, the unpleasant, the less than ideal then please spread my secret and share your thoughts in a comment below.